I Knew I Forgot Something...

As a nanny, I'm pretty use to the looks you get when you walk around with a little baby toddling after you. You get looks like, "Aw how adorable." "Isn't that the cutest thing you have ever seen?" Sometimes it's a little awkward but I'll be honest, sometimes I love the attention. Yes, sometimes I pretend they think I 'm the cute one and not the baby, but that is not the point of this blog.

The other day I took my baby to get a hair cut and met his dad at the barber shop. They decided to wait there for the mom, while I was free to return to the apartment because it was my ending time. As I walked the couple of blocks home pushing the empty stroller I got the weirdest looks. People would look into the stroller expectantly and then look up and me with alarm, and then in panic look back at the ground.

I imagine the looks would be similar to if I walked out of the apartment without any pants. I could see that they were thinking, "Oh no she forgot her baby. Should I tell her? No, maybe she meant to..." At first I thought it was hilarious and really wanted someone to mention my missing baby so I could frantically look into the stroller and say, "What? Oh no! I knew I forgot to bring something. I just thought it was the diaper bag."

After the first 4 block I got a little fed up with the judgement and wanted to start shouting, "Come on people! I didn't forget my baby. I'm a darn good nanny. He's safe. He's happy. I only let him eat a little dirt today."

My New Happy Place

During the Fall I took an online class about culture in the classroom. I hated this class because all I had to interact with was my text book, and I felt like every chapter my text book told me, "Tressa, you are a conservative middle class white girl who has no life experience and cannot relate to your culturally diverse students which will limit your effectiveness as a teacher." Then on particularly rough weeks of the month my book might also add, "Oh and because you are an ignorant middle class white girl you will be solely responsible for completely destroying any love of learning, more skilled teachers might foster. Also, there is nothing you can do about it."

It was a really mean text book.

Anyway as I came back to school I was a little depressed and doubted my abilities to be an effective teacher. I was just praying for a way to feel confident again, and my prayers were answered. This semester I have my early field class where I go to a 3rd grade class every Wednesday and Friday. It is like a really tiny student teaching. I absolutely love this class.

Every week there is another new adventure, and I get to push myself to think of new and different lesson plans every week. Occasionally I wondered if I would ever get bored as a teacher, but I know now that as long as I am mentally engaged I will never be bored. Every day is a new adventure, or brings a new challenge.

For example, what do you say to a class when you are in the middle of a lesson about the Supreme Court and a kid raises his hand and announces his older brother had to go to court for drunk driving? I ignored it....

The Wednesday after I went down to Utah to visit Liz, I had all of the girls in the class surround me. They were stunned by my choice of deep purple nail polish, and they all took turn feeling how smooth my nails were. When I was asked why my nails were so long, and I responded that I just never got around to cutting them, one of the girls told me that just biting them off was a great way to solve the long nail problem. I love those girls!

Anyway, I got really excited tonight when I started to fall asleep and slide into my happy place and I realize that my happy place was in the classroom. I was so excited I just had to get up and blog about it.

Will Work for Praise

I don't really know how to start this post but it's been something on my mind for a while so I'll go ahead and share it! Small disclaimer: the purpose of this post is not to say I have a serious problem, or to say this way of thinking is right. Really it is to laugh at myself because of the things I think sometimes.

In my Motivation and Management class we have been working through the book "Punished by Rewards," by Alfie Kohn. It has been fascinating, because he spends his time explaining research that shows extrinsic rewards, or rewards that come from others, actually do more harm then good. Then shorten decrease our performance and internal desire to accomplish the very task we received a reward for. I can accept that pretty easily, but he actually lumps praise in there with the external rewards. Now there is a distinction between praise and encouragement. In order to fully understand his position I recommend reading the book or at least this article, which is like the readers digest version.

I decided I want to try eradicating praise form my daily speech, which has been very hard. I bit my tongue a lot. I also decided I would try to ween myself off the need of praise. So for about a month now I have been trying to let the praise I recieve roll off my back without taking it to heart. I have come to learn I am a praise junkie, and I am going through withdrawals.

During Sacrament meeting one Sunday I thought to myself, "I really want a boyfriend so he will sit and tell me how wonderful I am!" I haven't wanted a boyfriend for a very long time, and now that I wanted one was it for companionship. No. A deeper connection with another human. Nope. Was I looking to take another step toward eternal salvation. Not even close. I wanted a boyfriend so he could talk to me, about me. Oh, come on...

Another day I had a really embarrassing experience with a guy I worked with. I was trying to explain why I had made a mistake which offended him and my attempts to be sincere came out extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Finally I gave up and power walked out of there. I was immediately on the phone with a friend, telling her all about it. She has been really good about not enabling me, aka not praising me. I ranted and purged all of my scrambled embarrassed feeling, and then I said, "But I just want him to tell me it's okay, and that I am fantastic awesome, fascinating, and amazing!" Jill reminded me that was not going to happen, and that I needed to be the one to tell me that. It has taken me three weeks to finally feel proud of the courage it took apologise, and not desperately want his approval.

I'm not writing this blog to tell everyone to stop praising me, because well, lets face it I want it bad. This post is more to express my surprise at how difficult getting sober really is. There have been several days when I had to stop myself from calling some and asking them to tell me everything they like about me.

I'm getting better at it, so please don't feel like you have to censor yourself when you talk to me. Because really I'm the one who needs to changes in my personal thinking, not the rest of the world. I keep laughing to myself as I think about the past month. Who knew you could actually go through praise withdrawals. Learn something new everyday!

Best Valentine's Day Ever!

A couple people have asked me how my Valentines Day was, and I honestly have to admit, It was pretty good! On the BYU-Idaho there are generally two extremes: the incredibly happy and public couples, or the sullen and bitter singles. They're only angry because they want to be one of the couples with a PDA problem.

I honestly was worried about what I would feel this year. It would mark the one year anniversary of breaking off my engagement. Yes I realize I broke up with him on Valentines Day, I choose to ignore the fact that my actions are generally frowned upon by the larger part of society. Anyway Sunday night as I was falling asleep I let myself think about what my life would have been like if I hadn't ended the engagement. This is something I generally don't let myself think about, but instead of bring up unpleasant past memories I felt secure and happy. I felt like I actually had grown and learned a lot in this past year. I felt good about all of my choices.

Then Monday, Valentines Day, I was largely oblivious to the fact that it was the day of love. I think it was another tender mercy that I had so much to do that day. But really I don't know how I missed it. There were big signs advertising the couples dance, love birds floating around kissing each other, and people running around in pink shouting "Happy Valentines Day." I even had a lesson that centered around Valentines day and it never registered in my mind. During my last class a boy came in and gave a girl in class a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I thought it was so sweet and wondered if he was proposing or if it was her birthday or something. It wasn't until one of my bitter neighbors made a sassy comment I realize the real reason. I said, "Oh, it's Valentines Day! That makes sense." She stared at me as if she couldn't figure out why that had just occured to me and I felt a little dumb, but then that past too.

I do have to mention how spoiled I am by 6 boys at home and their parents. That night as I sat doing homework, I got a beautiful vase of flowers. It absolutely made my day, and the bear is so soft! I have to say it. I have one roommate who is engaged and two who are constantly surrounded by boys, but I got the best flowers.

Unless I'm Mistaken, I Think I Made It.

And exhale one big sigh of relief. Ahhhhh.


This week has been one of the busiest weeks I have ever had in my life. I haven't decided if that was an exaggeration or not, but it serious was really busy. This week I had midterms, a HUGE project due, I taught a 45 minute math lesson, and most stressful of all my student teaching application. Oh and on top of all of that I got asked out of a date! First time this semester and it had to be this week. Oye, but fortunately my date understood and made it really fun and appropriately short.

It was like a marathon, all culminating to that Big Storm I like to call Thursday. Everything was due on Thursday, and miraculously I got everything turned in!. As I clock out of work at the end of the day I felt a sense of accomplishment. I went and celebrated by kicking of my Air Hockey Tournament with Jill. YAY! Then I came home and crashed, I think I have finally recovered.

Really this post it to send thank yous out to the universe, because I know I had so much help and tender mercies. Thank you roommates for allowing me to shirk my dishes responsibility, and for not mentioning that my mess was slowly creeping into your part of the room. (I honestly had areas in the apartment surrounded by stuff except for the area in the center where I would sit.) Thank you Eric for coming and helping me with my letter of introduction. I couldn't have done it with out you. Thank you Brother Madsen for being in India. That extra 1hour and a half in the morning really helped me out. Thank you Saxon Math for having a lesson so planned out an detailed I didn't have to start form scratch.

Thank you to all of those who wrote a letter of recommendation for me. They were so wonderful and I was really touched. Thank you Heavenly Father for sending so many people around me to support and cheer me on. My family and friends really are ministering angels.

This is a Formal Complaint

So in my previous post I wrote that we had a couple inches of snow. Correction, we had more like 5 inches of snow.

Friday I had to be at an elementary school in Sugar City at 9:15am, and pick up a couple of people along the way. I thought I was being really good becasue I was ready at 8:25 and cleaning off my car around 8:30. Well a few minutes later my windows were clean but my car was stuck, and I mean really stuck.

It took three guys to get me out of the parking lot. Then I tried pulling out of the long alley to get onto a street but there was a truck blocking my way, and yes he was stuck in the snow! Three guys later the truck was back in its parking lot and the boy decided to walk to class. But of course I was stuck again! I couldn't drive through the alley without 4 guys huffing and puffing pushing me up hill. I was embarrassed, and worried I would be late, and frustrated that I had to ask for so much help( I think I'm becoming a bit of a feminist as I get older.)

It was a great day at the school, but as I was still flustered and driving home I slid a couple times. I got to my driveway and could tell I was going to get stuck again. Well that was not going to happen, so I pulled out and drove to campus and bought a campus parking permit. My car will be parked at the Hinckley until the lot is cleared.

As I was walking back home I was so frustrated and mad about the whole morning. I started thinking that this would never have happened if it hadn't snowed. I was so angry and mad at the snow. I worked myself up into such a stew that looked up into the sky and thought, "You really should do something about this snow." It sounded so much like statements I had heard in advising, and I think I was trying to submit a formal complaint with Heavenly Father.

The thought was so ridiculous that I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Oh gosh, who do I think I am! As I laughed at myself I wasn't really mad anymore, and I looked up and noticed how beautiful the trees looked all covered with snow.

BYU-I Updates

I really should be doing some homework before the day starts but I'd rather blog, so I will. I don't have anything amazing to write about just a few little things.

We are just finishing up the 2nd week of the semester. So far it has been busy but great! It has been super cold here and has snowed a lot. Yesterday it snowed a couple inches just in a few hours. I haven't broken out any of my heals yet which has made me sad, but at lest my feet are warm. During the announcements at devotional on Tuesday, they reminded the young ladies to wear appropriate footwear. They said its not worth breaking an ankle over. (I don't necessarily agree.) Then they suggested if the men see a damsel in wobbly distress they should, "ask to help her and take her arm. Ask her name. Tell her yours. You can take it from there." Only in BYU-Idaho.

Work is great. One of my favorite roommates, Jill got a job in a satellite advising center on campus, so we get to sit next to each other during all advising meetings. It is just so much fun. I've got to girls in the office who are engaged, so Brother Tippetts, my boss and office yenta, is happily giving them advice for marital bliss. I thankfully seem to have fallen under his radar. It kind of nice.

My classes are great. I am done with all of my general classes, so this semester is strictly Education classes and I love it! All of my teachers previously taught in public schools, so they know what we are up against, and they all want to prepared us the best they can. Yesterday, I went to the Student Teaching information meeting. That means I am going to be student teaching in exactly one year! I think about that pretty regularly and then I have to check myself. This is weird...

Even though I am really busy, I sure do love my classes. They are hard and challenging, but they are also so much fun. For, my homework this week I; a bunch of reading but then I practiced my handwriting, played the recorder 15 minutes a day, 3 art projects, read children books, and color in the states on one of those maps third graders work on.

I love my major.