Letter to the Universe

This is a dead blog.  I have not posted for years but I have been having some thoughts lately and just needed to send them out to the universe.  So I turned to the internet.

Years ago I read a blog of a Mormon mother.  She was sarcastic and witty and I agree with many of her somewhat liberal ideas.  I enjoyed reading about her thoughts and opinions, but it seemed that with each new post she seemed to be moving farther and farther from the mainstream faith.  I worried about her, but was to naive to think there was any real danger.  (Isn't it funny how you can connect and bond with someone you have never or will never meet?  She has no idea I am alive and yet I worry about her.)

It wasn't until a few months after my mission that I checked in on her again.  She was still posting but I was heart broken to read that was had officially and consciously fallen away from the church.  Her description reads, "Either I am a completely apostate Mormon or I'm just thinking what we are all thinking."  Well, I am not thinking what she is saying.  Over the course of just a few years I moved from finding her ideas refreshing and honest, to something that heart my heart to listen to.

I read her post for a year and prayed for her a bit but soon stopped reading the blog.  There was nothing there for me anymore.  Today, after reading about the Ordain Women protests I returned to her blog just to check in.  I quickly realized that she had almost completely stopped posting.  I read her "good-bye post"  she wrote about 6 months ago and I almost wept for her.

This woman wrote about her pain.  She has felt alone and rejected and she needed to begin to move on.      I was touched when she wrote,

"However, I also believe that pain is an active feeling. It moves and evolves and changes with growth. Pain is sacred and holy so long as we allow it to progress naturally. The moment we let us consume us, it isn't useful anymore. I hit that point last night, where I realized my pain was no longer changing, but static. I can't keep experiencing it the same way as before, it isn't allowing me to grow anymore"

I think there is a profound truth in what she said, and what she is feeling.  It made me think about the pain she felt.  I don't agree with the sweet woman's religious stance.  I won't.  There are so many people who believe things that are contrary to what is core to my soul, but I don't think that matters much.  I can still connect with this women.  I have felt pain that consumed me at times. That is an awful place to be.  The only way I got out of that abyss was by turning to the Savior.  I don't know enough about this women to know about her faith in Jesus Christ, but I know that she was in pain.  I wanted to hug her and love her.  I wanted to comfort her so that she knows she is not alone.  

During our life we all make choices that take us down our own personal path of pain.  It happens to everyone and so there is no room to judge.  Our role as Christians, as spirit brothers and sisters, is to comfort and love each other. When we try to take upon us Christ role as judge, we only cause more pain.  More damage.  More isolation.  

In the end I do think it is possible to love and support those that believe differently.  Isolating the sinner, as some may view it, is not the same thing as protecting ourself spiritually.  I really don't know the right answers.  I don't know how we should act in every situation, but I have to believe that we should avoid causing pain as much as possible.  Those that are struggling do not need our judgement; they need our love.  We should just leave the rest to the Savior.  I have faith that He knows what to do. 

So to that longtime blogger, and even the women standing outside the Conference Center on Saturday night, I love you.  I don't agree with some things that you believe but you have a right to believe it.  I am sorry if anything I say or do makes you feel alone or pain.  That is not my intent.  I love you.