It Finally Happened

Well it finally happened. I didn't think it would happen so soon but it did. I have... A boyfriend. I know! Crazy!

His name is Shane, He was in a class with one of my roommates, and all of a sudden he started showing up at our apartment. It wasn't long before we would expect him and be a little disappointed if he didn't show up that day. He doesn't have a cell phone, adn is never near his apartment phone, so I used to call him our Phantom Friend. I also call him the apartment pet, but that's for a different reason. Just as a reference point, he was the boy who told me he loved me and then burst into laughter. Anyway I loved him coming over after that, because he just became an incredible friend. I thought it was so easy to talk to him.

One of the best things about our relationship, was that I did not feel threatened by him at all. We were just friends, and I never questioned his motives for a moment! Apparently I was out of the loop. I mean really out of the loop. While I never questioned his motives, every one else did. Everybody, including Deborah, knew he liked me, but knew that I just thought of him as a friend, so nothing was going to happen.

Anyway to make a very long story short, about a week and a half ago, I made some realizations about Shane. I started thinking that holding his hand didn't sound that bad. In fact I really liked the idea. Then I really started hating the idea of him liking and dating other girls.

Then to push me over the edge, he came to our apartment really frustrated. He said he felt like he shouldn't come over anymore. My roommates seemed to see this coming, but I was completely shocked by it. That idea put a huge pit in my stomach. That night Andy, my roommate/psychiatrist told me I needed to stop flirting with Shane because I wasn't being fair to him.

Faced with the idea of liking a boy, I began freaking out. I developed a stomach ulcer. When Shane finally showed up at my apartment after a few days, my imaginary stomach ulcer got bigger. Shane seemed defensive, and prickly, but once he warmed up he told me the reason he didn't want to come by anymore was because he liked me and he knew he didn't have a chance.

He was much more eloquent then I was. I said something like, "Well I have a confession to make. I started to feel... you know... It's like I, well even since Tuesday... Wow this is hard. I guess I'm trying to say, I like you. I like, like you in the way that holding your hand isn't a bad idea."

Shane is so sweet. He is so considerate, and patient when I have trouble expressing my feeling in a coherent sentence. Above all I feel so safe with him. It is so easy to be myself around him, and the best thing is he brings out my best self.

Anyway, I don't know what will happen next week or even next month when I go home, but right now I'm just enjoying spending time with my umm boyfriend.